Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
