Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Randomize
