That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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