You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
