come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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