Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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