I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
