like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
