Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
