if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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