Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
