my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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