The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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