I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize