So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize