I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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