ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
