At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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