i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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