I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
