I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
