she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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