Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
