I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
