Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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