bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
