you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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