It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
