Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
should my penis look like a turkey
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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