It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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