i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't think brook has ever known best
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
