I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
