just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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