He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
