Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize