Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i think i just naturally attract stoners
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
