well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize