Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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