Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
