also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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