if you like me you must not know who I am
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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