it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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