I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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