she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like eating out sand paper
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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