i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
