omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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