I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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