i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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