He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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