I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
