A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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