definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
