Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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