He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How external is "for external use only"?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
