I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i dont even know how to be here
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
