you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
