Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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