She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
birth control should be required to get into college
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
