Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
