We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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