Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
