Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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