Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
