i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
