Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
