I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
