OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
