You work out of a Hotel?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Someone signed my nipple.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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