I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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