someone get that fucking seahorse.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize