ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
