woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
