You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Michael Bay diarrhea
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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