Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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