worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
