so that wasnt chicken after all
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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