i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
