I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
