I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize