Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
