I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
