If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
