i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
