I got chris browned last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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