this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I lost the right to judge tonight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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