I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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