I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
