You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
