Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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