Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
