white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
