It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
