ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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