this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
