I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
