White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
