He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
