You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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