dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
