How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
