A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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