i don't like sucking hair
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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