One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sext me about skeletons
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
