That's intense
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
