Michael Bay diarrhea
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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