Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
