if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
