Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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